Happy Birthday To Me

Last night was my third annual 29th birthday bash. It was a small affair, which is just how I like it. And unlike my previous 29th birthday bashes, I did not stay out until the bar closed and then eat mozzarella sticks at a diner, which my body thanks me for today. That's not to say I'm not hungover, because I am, but it could have been much worse. As always, I am astounded by the fact that I'm surrounded by such wonderful, amazing people on a regular basis. I'm a lucky lady. And much like my previous 29th birthday bashes, much wackiness transpired, and of course Curly was there to document it. This year the wackiness took the form of boobs. Now, if cleavage is a no-no at your place of employment, then these photos are not work safe. And if hairy chests offend you, you might not want to look. And no, we did not actually drink the absinthe. I'm saving it for a rainy day. See the pics. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Planet Earth marathon on The Discovery Channel.

The Wonders of, uh, Modern (?) Technology

Earlier today, Meg informed me that Jess 2.0, the MySpace version, had been having herself quite a time spamming people. So I logged on, and sure enough, I'd posted this bulletin:

Subject: Hi-Deff Movies super modles --www.sxhb.info--- no kids please
Body: Hi, 32cCool stuff. Thanks

Not that anyone would really mistake that for a bulletin by yours truly. I'm much funnier, after all, and bad grammar makes me itchy. I changed my password tout de suite and then checked out the "Help" section on MySpace to see if there was any further action Tom would like me to take.

I shit you not, folks. This is what MySpace calls a "solution":

Someone is pretending to be me - what do I do?

In order to verify your identity, please send us a "salute". This means we will need an image of yourself holding a handwritten sign with the word "MySpace.com" and your Friend ID (your Friend ID number appears immediately after "friendID=" in the web address/URL when viewing your profile). We can then remove the profile that uses your identity without your permission.

Please be sure to include the web address/URL to the profile in question when you send your salute.

If you do not have a profile on MySpace please write in the email address that you are emailing us from instead of your Friend ID.

If the profile is an extremely obvious attempt to be cruel/false, you may not need to send a salute. Sending a salute will help expediate things, though!

So let me get this straight. Now that we're living in the age of the Internets, and billions of people are using social networking sites, and we otherwise have the ability to create cool shit like AIM WeeMes, that act out what you're typing on AIM (and also fall in holes and get struck by lighting for no apparent reason, but that's neither here nor there) but we can't do better than TAKING A PICTURE OF OURSELVES HOLDING UP A PIECE OF PAPER THAT SAYS MYSPACE.COM AND OUR FRIEND ID ON IT WRITTEN WITH A PEN, PENCIL OR CRAYON? I mean, what?! Stupid MySpace. And I bet The Other Jess didn't even sell any Hi-Deff Movies super modles anyway.

As Promised...

Wedding dance floor injury:



Birthday cake:



And just because, here's a goofy pic of TYM and I at the wedding where said injury occured:

Where I Am

Relaxing on the beach, drinking pina coladas and listening to the waves roll in as I work on my tan and relax.

Actually, that is not true at all. What I've been doing is trying to get settled into a new job, going to Pennsylvania for a wedding, having a birthday, planning a trip to Belize, letting emails and voicemails pile up, flaking on plans and generally walking around in a state of being so overwhelmed that I’m just kind of numb.

This too shall pass. So if I haven't responded to your emails, texts, voicemails or MySpace messages, if I've cancelled plans on you because I double-booked myself and forgot, if you're getting sick of coming back here to find no new posts, well, don’t take it personally. I'm just trying to screw my head back on. At least the PMS is over. That just made everything worse.

Hopefully I'll be able to get it together and post a picture of my "Fuck You" birthday cake and my wedding dance floor injury tonight. Hang tight!

The New Job Evaluation

Pro:
I spent the entire morning writing porny personal essays about my love for macaroni and cheese and mozzarella sticks.

Con:
After spending my morning writing porny personal essays about my love for macaroni and cheese and mozzarella sticks, I had to eat a salad for lunch. Stupid diet.

Put That Pussy Away!

New Photoshop art, courtesy of The Young Man. I'm not sure how I feel about Mulder, my favorite kitty on Earth, being so dangerously close to Paris Hilton's ladybits. For some reason, he can't stop itching himself all of the sudden.