Porn, and Bugs, and Uh, Isabella Rossellini

TYM and I were looking through the free On Demand channels earlier this evening, and we came across something called, "Green Porno." Because we're both 12-year-old boys on the inside, we couldn't resist watching. Here's what it is, and I swear I'm not making it up: A series of short films written, directed by and starring isabella Rossellini, graphically depicting the sex lives of insects. Really.

Watch them here. You know you want to witness Isabella Rossellini sticking her pedipalps into a female spider's epigyne. It's every bit as dirty as it sounds, trust me.

Job Hunting Fun

Over the course of several days...

Me: I have 10 years of professional writing experience... here's my resume... here are some writing samples...

Potential Employer: Great, please send us some samples of articles you've written that are about [insert website topic here].

Me: Well, I don't actually have experience writing articles about this particular topic, but as you can see from my samples, I have written about x, y, and z with no prior knowledge of those topics, and have edited many articles on your chosen topic.

PE: Yes, but we're looking for a writer.

Me: Um, I AM a writer.

PE: If you think you can write articles from scratch, let us know.

Me: Um, I know how to research things on the Internets.

PE: Okay, I guess we can move forward, then. We pay $10 per article.

Me: Huh?

Next.

Bragging

AOL Television wants to make out with me

Overheard at Maine's Portland International Jetport

Bag screener: M'am, we're going to have to rescreen this one.

She holds up my plastic bag containing some Maine purchases.

Me: No problem!

The bag screeners gather 'round to look at the contents of my bag. I giggle as I think about the bundt cake pan that I bought at a yard sale, and my random flea market purchases.

The bag screener hands me my bag.

Bag Screener: Your bags were fun to screen!

TYM and I go over to some chairs nearby to sit down and put our shoes back on. I recount my conversation with the bag checker.

TYM: Did you have the stuff we bought at the sex shop in that bag?

I turn red.

Me: Oh. Yeah.

Hope you enjoyed my sex toys, Portland International Jetport screeners!

What's Cooking?

I am! That's right, folks. I'm officially a chef. Now, I guess I should figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. That'll have to wait until after I get back from Maine, though. TYM and I are taking a few much-needed days to relax and enjoy nature.