It Makes Me Proud...

... To announce that Taylor "The Tard" Hicks made AOL Music's list of 111 Wussiest Songs of All Time.

Dude, when a brand like America Online dubs you a pussy, it's seriously time to go into hiding. I'm sure most of the members of the Soul Patrol are survival nuts with well-stocked bomb shelters. They'll totally hook you up. Now git!

Mostly-Daily News Brief

Okay, to all three of you that read this blog, (Totally kidding! It's four.) I'm going to try and do a daily news update because there is so much 'Idol' news and I know you need it bad. Without further ado…

Author sues Clay Aikin. Jess sues author for being a loser. Okay, not really, but who writes an "unauthorized biography" about CLAY AIKIN? It's worth mentioning that the book is called, "Out of the Blue: Clay if Forward." I couldn't make this shit up, people. (MSNBC)

Random House to publish Taylor Hicks' memoir. It never ends. I hope the editor takes out all the "Wooooos!" and the "Soul patrols!" and then punches him in the nuts. (ShortNews -- Yeah, I never heard of it, either)

Simon Fuller plans world domination, laughs maniacally. (L.A. Times)

'Idol' auditions kick off tomorrow. Stories from every hopeful's local newspaper to surely follow. (People)

'Idol' producers all sorts of pissed off about Fantasia's biopic, claiming some parts are false. Hey, Simon and Nigel, you have the most watched television show in the history of the world. It's a made-for-TV movie on fucking 'Lifetime.' A little perspective, please? (Celebrity Café)

Clay and Ruben both to release albums next month, cry themselves to sleep because they aren't Kelly Clarkson. (Baltimore Sun)

McKlutz, Anyone?

Um, did Katharine McPhee walk under a ladder recently? Cross a black cat, perhaps? Whistle backstage in the Kodak Theater? Between laryngitis, cancelled flights and broken feet, girlfriend is smack dab in the midst of a bad luck spell. I blame The Creepy Older Boyfriend.

KMcPhee, call me. I'll nurse you back to good health... and better luck. Seriously, ditch that decrepit old dude. For your sake... and mine.

Elliott's Such a Good Boy

Just when I thought Elliott Yamin couldn't be any more likable, this story comes along. It's official: I'm in love with Elliott.